Crossroads

The pain and pleasures of decision making.

Have you felt it?

You weigh the pros and cons,

You debate, you discuss

You fight, you fear

You cry, you care

You doubt, you dare

You feel sore, you feel strong

You ponder, you wonder

What does it lead to?

A small shift in the big scheme of things. Some clarity amidst all the confusion. A subtle sense of success sprinkled with ifs and buts. A rheumatic rage of remorse remedied with hope and faith.

Every decision big or small, easy or hard, clear or chaotic - let it knock on the walls of your inner core, stir you up a bit and if it still brings out the smile in you, sweet pea, this decision making process has poured into you some grace, some sense, some wisdom, some solace and some belief.

Decision after decision, let life roll.

To read is a need

I am not sure where my love for reading exactly originates from. Somewhere in the midst of childhood, I suppose. I am just glad to call books my friends even to this day. In this age of technological advancement I am super proud to still cherish this favourite habit of mine – reading books the original way. Oh! There is something about holding a book and physically turning the pages, placing a petal bookmark, carrying it in your bag, holding it close to your chest while walking on the road, putting it on your desk and finally resting it in your bookshelf. Talk to me about the joys that simple things bring in life!

When I started earning I promised myself that the first thing I would buy every time my salary gets credited, is a book. I even did this for some time. This does not imply that I have read umpteen number of books. Ask any avid reader and you will find their thirst for books is constantly insatiable. I completely and hopelessly believe in ‘signs’ in everyday life events and the current house I am living in came with an in built book shelf in one of the rooms. Seriously, I had even put this ardent wish in the far corner of my mind and heart and had almost forgotten about it. Needless to say, I am protective of this area in my house just like any animal is of its territory. I am so thankful to the experiences that motherhood offers. One of them, in this context being, reading to my son. I never was read to nor can I remember reading books when I was at my son’s current age. So, I seem to be making up for this every time I pick books for him and read them to him. There is such a mammoth magnitude of children’s books that sometimes I feel my son needs two or more childhoods in parallel to read them all. I recently read a book to him by Stan and Jan Berenstain called “The Bike Lesson”. Both of us were in tears laughing at the very thing the book was spot on about – humour, humour that entices children. This is what I call mummy moments hidden in daily monotonous madness. He now wants me to read it to all his friends that come home. The other collection of children’s book I have enjoyed is Dr.Suess’ books. His books are not just for children but also for the child in every adult. I must confess there was a point when I was angry with Dr.Suess because my favourite little human made me read “The Lorax” - every word, every page, every night for a bit over a month!

You know the feeling I love to feel? In my eagerness to finish the book I have to invariably cope with the sadness that I will reach ‘The End’ which means that I have to get back to dealing with real people in real life! Who said life is fair?

To help you embrace reading, here is a quote:

If you never did, you should.

These things are fun.

And fun is good.

~Dr.Suess

 

1000 Steps

What happens when I am given a long weekend, with bright sunny weather and no prior commitments made? I feel the urge to do fun things because my feelings (read worry) that I am losing time and precious age seems to get stronger with every grey hair I spot on my head! I cannot quite work out how to not feel guilty on any given day. It comes so naturally to me, it stuns me! So I wouldn’t plan any activity just for myself. I will ridiculously plan things to suit my family, my friends, their pets, their neighbours  and anybody else I can think of. Hence comes the plan to check out the Dandenong Ranges National Park and climb the famous 1000 steps. Nice warm weather is a tick from the oldies. Picnic playground areas and other friends to play along with, is a tick from the kids. Picnic organising, planning, packing and delicious picnic food all catered for by the super moms is a tick from the dads. A good day out for parents, partner, progeny and pets is a tick for me. So, the only other tick I needed was to do something that interests me. Not so important for the others involved of course, but I get the sense that my mid life crisis ( yes, I keep telling myself I should turn into a ghost by age 65. Super moms possess super powers after all J) has ‘hormone’nised me to this enigmatic soul searching sphere where I cannot escape such rhetorical questions which unfortunately only I have to answer! 

 

So my master plan included this physical task of climbing the steps (which interests me not because I own a fitbit and if you see me you will agree I am not fit even a bit J)in the midst of tall tress and screaming cockatoos (this also interests me because I was keen to find out if screaming birds could out beat screaming kids and (silently)swearing parents). Also who said master plans needs details? That I knew nothing about the exact destination address for the GPS (technology can help you only so much),how long to reach the top, how come precisely only 1000 steps, how steep the steps are, how wide are the steps for the 4 kids to race each other, how magnificent the views are from the top, how many water taps on the climb, how many rubbish bins (any Indian will tell you how crucial bins are in their lives) in the park? Phew! Anyway, this master plan was a short drive (At least for us. Master plans can be clever sometimes) from home. Short drives are good drives. Ask any parent with experience of ‘belt’ing up more than one kid in a car and not feeding them junk, not surrendering to technology nanny and keeping them from fighting (If you think you can achieve all three in one drive, please realise and remember for next time that this does not fit into the concept of dreaming big). It might feel hilarious now when you look back, but trust me with each person sitting in the car spotting a free parking lot for the driver can indeed leave you holidaying just in the car park. There are certain simple things that many of us take for granted. Like parking the car, getting off and heading to the picnic spot. It is so simple (right?) that it is an involuntary action unless you have to let out so many people from the car you begin to wonder why your car doesn’t look like a bus, and all of them in one piece along with their beloved belongings and some excruciating decisions on what to leave behind in the car and what to carry and who will carry what. Poor super moms have only a couple of hands (that don’t shoot out sticky web whenever they wish). Families big or small, trips short or long, days hot or cold one should never ever forget the mantra, ‘Expect the Unexpected’ (when you are encouraged to ‘push’ your baby out during child birth and you push some other things out, this mantra is ingrained then and there. The very minute you become ‘super’ and a ‘mom’). The concept of distance mattered on this day because it only took around 15m of walking before the whole gang just took a U-turn back to the picnic area, of course huffing and puffing even before they had step ONE (of the 1000, mind you) anywhere near sight! Logically this could have been because the kids had no sense of direction. The ‘keep walking’ nudge literally meant they kept walking, but in any direction they fancied (how can you blame them if a bee just buzzed around them and set them off like the erratic spring pollen on a windy day). With every one backing out I was left wondering about the twist in my master plan. The former me would have walked back too with a heavy heart but thanks to mid-life crisis stratosphere that I feel I am in, I decided to proceed by myself and just 5m in to my solo quest I realised how absolutely delighted I was with this twist. I am so born to be a loner that I cherished every step. My thoughts dictating my pace, my sweat rate guiding my water breaks. Faster the heart rate, slower my racing mind.  I saw all sorts of people on the way – young and old, fit and not-so-fit, individuals, couples, families and groups. Some first timers (like me) and some regulars. The higher I went, the cooler I felt. There wasn’t a clear look out point as such at the top where I stopped. It is more about looking inside is what I have always felt. There were other trails to explore from there on but I resisted them by reminding myself about my silly goof up at Ruffey Lake Park the previous day. Can anyone get lost in a local park? Yes, I can. Did I already mention mid-life crisis? 

 

Ok, sometimes, “Expect the Unexpected” mantra unexpectedly slips my mind. I expected going down would be easy. I should have just thought it would be ‘faster’ rather than ‘easier’. Because I was going down fast and needed to act fast to go slow! How to apply breaks to my own speed? (My mid-life crisis had me pretty confident that my life was lacking speed!)Was it in my mind or my legs to do so? I did not have much time to analyse this part of my master plan because it was happening too fast. I had a moment of despair when despite my speed I could not see the last step back down. Well, eventually I reached back to where I started, feeling dizzy with my accomplishment and secretly planning to come back again next time (slightly confident with my master plans by now), of course by myself. No company is good company, sometimes. Here are some pictures from the climb.