Super Hero with Flower Power

With imminent wisdom accompanying my grey hair line, in all earnest and sincerity, all I wish for with closed eyes and an open heart is 'to love and to be loved'. Somehow, along the way, I slip away from the simplicity of this wishful statement and get unbeknowingly entangled in the complexity of its execution.

The power of a flower is so profound. When you are hurt, it can heal. When you are low, it can lift. When you feel lost, it can show you love. So, when a flower was being hand-picked and hand-delivered to me almost every day, it was love sitting right there on my kitchen bench top looking pretty and promising. That is when the clutter in the mind dispersed slightly and I was surprised at how simple it can actually be to express this feeling.

"Where do you get these lovely flowers, sweet heart?", I asked him, curious. "Oh, from the bushes", he shrugged and said. When he means bushes, he means somebody’s(or our own) bushy front yard on the path he takes to walk to school that is probably strewn with spring flowers. With so much innocence in his soul, he simply picks one for his mummy, every day, not knowing he is picking love and he is showing me how to love. 

Being loved makes you want to love. Loving makes you want to live. Wanting to live makes you happy. This is quite viciously unattainable to an immensely satisfactory degree on a daily basis. It feels like writing something on the murky beach sand that the waves relentlessly whisk away into the seas belly.

When he strokes my hair with his fingers, I am reminded to let go now

When he plants random kisses, I am reminded to smile more now

When he lies on my lap, I am reminded to calm down now

When he circles me with his arms, I am reminded to revive myself now

When he hides my stuff, I am reminded to lighten up now

When he just lives and grows around me, I am reminded to be grateful now

My deepest gratitude to my flower power super hero who reminds me to love, every day.





Update - 23/11/2016

One day my little man apparently offered a flower to the lovely lollipop lady at the school crossing. 

In return he was showered with more flowers. Surely, love beget more love.

Parallel Palace

That space in your head,

Where you parade yourself in places lush with imagination

Manifested by many unfulfilled musings

Some buried so deep, like the strong roots of a mighty old tree

Some bubbling like hot lava, each bubble hissing to be heard

Some that have untraceable psychological history, that is just as old as you

Some hopelessly and mostly unattainable, just like the thought of sleeping on a fluffy cloud

Some entangled, like a ferociously growing creeper, twisted and sturdy

Mostly, all of which are better inside than out

Better tamed inside, never let loose on the outside

Better understood inside, never judged on the outside

Better expressed inside, never explained on the outside

Better felt on the inside, never forced on the outside

Better respected on the inside, never reacted on the outside

That space in your head,

Where you build a life on the inside that runs in parallel to the one on the outside

Where you cherry pick people, in and out of the imaginative fragments  

Where you maneuverer events to match the drama of an aurora sky

Where you celebrate sensitivity amidst sincere stupidity but minus the social sympathy

Where you shield secrets that are unpretentiously sacred simply because they are unshared,unheard

This ghost ship space in the head,

Is where, what was never mine in reality's retrospect, what is not mine in reality’s present, what would  never be mine in realistic future is hauntingly but unmistakeably, unselfishly, warmly and fuzzily mine

This mystic space in the head,

Is where calm is, love is, lust is, regret is, respect is, kindness is, forgiveness is, fear is, strength is, courage is, happiness is…where soul is.

Betsy Bitsy Jar 2016

Another new year rolls by. However, there is a slight difference in how I am beginning to feel year after year. Hope this slight difference will bring massive change.

This slight shift in feeling is called panic. Haha, yup. A year wiser implies a year older. A year older implies a year closer. Closer to what? To the grave, of course! Haha.

So, ignited by implications I came up with an improvisation of this evergreen idea of a memory jar. How does this idea work (for me)?

Every month, starting from January I intend to do at least one thing (could be anything) that is new or that I have not done before and that makes me happy. Like really happy.

Finally, after more than three decades, I have harrowingly come to realise that its ok if all that matters is matters of me, matters in me, matters to me, matters by me.

This ‘me matters’ is actually tough (especially if you have never known how to do it). It’s responsibility towards self. It’s not selfish. It’s ‘soul’fish. Given that it’s me, it can well be ‘sole’fish too, haha.

January 2016

Where: Hammer Hall, Melbourne Arts Centre

What: Deadly 60 Live brought to us by the man himself – Steve Backshall

When: Jan 16^th

With: DS

Why: I confirm and confess I have a crush on this wildlife presenter, adventurer, naturalist and author. Thanks to my DS, I got hooked on to his show broadcast on BBC Earth. The places he travels to, the things he does, the animals he encounters, the love for nature’s wild side that he portrays is rudimentarily attractive. He apparently met everyone that came to one of his three shows in Melbourne. Surely that show was not the one we were in. Sob. Sob. Anyway, we continue watching his show. Latest one being ‘Deadly Pole to Pole’. DS pleaded to buy his books that were on sale that day. So contrary to pleading for junk food that I was absolutely delighted to oblige. Happy ending. But I am yet to grow fond of the author Steve. His writing style is very wordy. Surely not for a 6 year old.

February 2016

Where: Royal Melbourne Zoo

What: Sunset Series 3.6k Race

When: Feb 2^nd

With: DS
Why: Other than reading the thing I feel so delightful in doing is running. I have to and always will be thankful to my grandparents and dad for getting me on this path. There is so much to learn from running. About your mind, about your body and about your surroundings. If you allow, this sport can push you to your limits and beyond. It can be exhilarating. It gives you that sense of satisfaction and success in a sense that is so personal to you. So meaningful to you. So dear to you. It reminds me of my most cherished childhood memories that keeps reassuring me that the beauty in life is most certainly in all the simple things. With this staunch belief iand this burning desire to introduce this sport in the most subtle way I could to my son, I registered for this event. Zoo is ever enticing to a child. So running in the zoo sounds fun. For the animals, I mean. For a short while we humans running around were probably the animals version of Animal Planet or Nat Geo Wild. Haha. Nevertheless, the run was fun. My little man enjoyed it. He has pocketed his PB in his very first race. It was worth my efforts. Happy ending. Well, I hope and pray this is a happy beginning for him and his prospective running journey. Run. Sweat. Smile. Repeat. Just like that, Just Do It!

Where: Home and not so far away from home

What: Park and Movie

When: Feb 20^th 

With: DS

Why: Somehow being social is getting quite complicated in my opinion. Well, for this loneliness loving loner, being social is all the more overwhelming. So, moments of peaceful and relaxing time is something to mindfully plan and execute. Which is what I did. We drove to a nearby reserve area where we had never been before. Listened to the river flowing through a tunnel. Watched the afternoon sunshine shimmer on the flowing river. Plunged rocks into the water and captured some interesting slow motion videos. Listened to non-humans (thanks to the absence of humans). Natural venue. Nature’s music. Nature for company. My definition of a party. The party continued through the night in the safety haven of home. Nothing extravagant. A kids movie on telly. A happy kid. Some take away food. Cosy cuddles and dreamless sleep. Thus, this memory goes straight into the memory jar! Simply spread simplicity.

March 2016

Where: Indoor Pool

What: Swimming

When: March 5^th 

With: Myself

Why: Every time I see people swimming, I feel stranded. Living in Down Under and not knowing swimming just feels odd. So out of place. I am hydrophobic to some degree but time is ticking remember? It is time to drown my fears and drop my inhibitions and learn to swim, finally. My first lesson was this month. A long road to learning, but I have taken the plunge. Breathing is so involuntary, that it is almost always ignored until the minute your head is under water! I hope I do better than reducing the water level in the pool😃

Where: CBD

What: Blood Donation and Organ Donation Registration

When: March 24th 

With: Myself

Why: To say that I have donated for the first time is quite shocking. Nevertheless proud to be a few millilitres lighter (for a day). When the recipients of my father in law’s organs sent us letters professing their gratitude for giving them life, the magnanimity of this simple act was only then understood. Yes, we can value the power of our incredible bodies with such incredible deeds. If I can, you can too! If you want to lend a hand, start with lending an arm!

April 2016

Where: RJ Hamer Forest Arboretum

What: Hiking/Bush Walking

When: April 9^th  

With: A bunch of lovely strangers

Why: That yearning, that longing I feel all the time which is almost always bubbling on the surface ready to explode, finally found a getaway albeit for a short time. I cannot remember the last time a smile lingered on my face spreading from ear to ear for so long and so unhesitatingly. I flaunted my desperation to hike by randomly choosing a walking club off the Internet and zeroing in on this particular hike. I will hence forth encourage myself to be so desperately random, desperately daring to do what I sincerely desire. Time is ticking, remember? I met a bunch of ladies who hike full time. Dear me, here I am, having a full time desk job with only a rotating chair to keep me excited. I felt envious of these lovely ladies but also inspired. The oldest lady hiking that day was 82! I have some serious hope for retirement age. Being in the woods felt like being in my skin. I always assumed this was how I would feel amidst nature. I am glad this hike proved it to me. It did take some effort to ward off the guilty feeling of leaving my boys back home. But I know I have never had it all in my life and neither will I. If I need something I have to let go of something else. The only issue now is I want to do it so much more often. Oh dear! The longing is only rejuvenated…..

When: 21^st May 2016

Where: Home

What: Girls Night

Who: Group of Girl Friends

This took like for ever to happen. So, when it happened it was worth entering my Betsy Bitsy Jar for this year. I am glad all the girls turned up despite their home commitments. Nibbles, drinks, dinner and lots of talking. This was what the night was all about. Personally, at the end of the night it made me realise what a long way I have come ever since I set foot in this country. How much I have learnt, how much I have grown, though nobody would ever know the true measure except myself. As a token of this nice night, I had handmade book marks for each of the ladies for them to take home in which I wrote a small poem (about the good things I see in them) for each of them. We always feel chuffed hearing good things about ourselves, isn't it? I have always felt that we hardly are appreciative of each other and I wanted to make an effort to make them smile. 

When: June 2016

What: Reading

Who: Thyself

I never imagined learning more than one language during school days would be so precious years later. I am so grateful that I can read and write in my native language. When you are so far away from all the things familiar to you in your growing up days and the world you currently live in is nowhere close, your best bet to be transported back in time and place, is the language. It becomes the chord that connects you to past familiarity. But it took me so many years to pick up a Kannada book to read. So, this was the precise opportunity to double the joy. Read….in my native language. Kannada being one among the oldest languages in the world, with a sense of pride I took to reading a collection of short stories written in Kannada. I was on a slow pace to start with but I surely slipped into a rhythm that soon saw me finish the book. Next thing is to add more Kannada books to my mini library.

When: July 2016
What: Running
Who: DS and Myself
My soul feeds on my pacing legs, it seems. Somehow, magically, running soothes through sweat. With no training beforehand but with just the excitement of running, I registered DS and myself for RM2016, the difference being that this was a back to back race for me. More the merrier. A weekend of running and weekdays of soreness. What is pleasure without pain?