1000 Steps

What happens when I am given a long weekend, with bright sunny weather and no prior commitments made? I feel the urge to do fun things because my feelings (read worry) that I am losing time and precious age seems to get stronger with every grey hair I spot on my head! I cannot quite work out how to not feel guilty on any given day. It comes so naturally to me, it stuns me! So I wouldn’t plan any activity just for myself. I will ridiculously plan things to suit my family, my friends, their pets, their neighbours  and anybody else I can think of. Hence comes the plan to check out the Dandenong Ranges National Park and climb the famous 1000 steps. Nice warm weather is a tick from the oldies. Picnic playground areas and other friends to play along with, is a tick from the kids. Picnic organising, planning, packing and delicious picnic food all catered for by the super moms is a tick from the dads. A good day out for parents, partner, progeny and pets is a tick for me. So, the only other tick I needed was to do something that interests me. Not so important for the others involved of course, but I get the sense that my mid life crisis ( yes, I keep telling myself I should turn into a ghost by age 65. Super moms possess super powers after all J) has ‘hormone’nised me to this enigmatic soul searching sphere where I cannot escape such rhetorical questions which unfortunately only I have to answer! 

 

So my master plan included this physical task of climbing the steps (which interests me not because I own a fitbit and if you see me you will agree I am not fit even a bit J)in the midst of tall tress and screaming cockatoos (this also interests me because I was keen to find out if screaming birds could out beat screaming kids and (silently)swearing parents). Also who said master plans needs details? That I knew nothing about the exact destination address for the GPS (technology can help you only so much),how long to reach the top, how come precisely only 1000 steps, how steep the steps are, how wide are the steps for the 4 kids to race each other, how magnificent the views are from the top, how many water taps on the climb, how many rubbish bins (any Indian will tell you how crucial bins are in their lives) in the park? Phew! Anyway, this master plan was a short drive (At least for us. Master plans can be clever sometimes) from home. Short drives are good drives. Ask any parent with experience of ‘belt’ing up more than one kid in a car and not feeding them junk, not surrendering to technology nanny and keeping them from fighting (If you think you can achieve all three in one drive, please realise and remember for next time that this does not fit into the concept of dreaming big). It might feel hilarious now when you look back, but trust me with each person sitting in the car spotting a free parking lot for the driver can indeed leave you holidaying just in the car park. There are certain simple things that many of us take for granted. Like parking the car, getting off and heading to the picnic spot. It is so simple (right?) that it is an involuntary action unless you have to let out so many people from the car you begin to wonder why your car doesn’t look like a bus, and all of them in one piece along with their beloved belongings and some excruciating decisions on what to leave behind in the car and what to carry and who will carry what. Poor super moms have only a couple of hands (that don’t shoot out sticky web whenever they wish). Families big or small, trips short or long, days hot or cold one should never ever forget the mantra, ‘Expect the Unexpected’ (when you are encouraged to ‘push’ your baby out during child birth and you push some other things out, this mantra is ingrained then and there. The very minute you become ‘super’ and a ‘mom’). The concept of distance mattered on this day because it only took around 15m of walking before the whole gang just took a U-turn back to the picnic area, of course huffing and puffing even before they had step ONE (of the 1000, mind you) anywhere near sight! Logically this could have been because the kids had no sense of direction. The ‘keep walking’ nudge literally meant they kept walking, but in any direction they fancied (how can you blame them if a bee just buzzed around them and set them off like the erratic spring pollen on a windy day). With every one backing out I was left wondering about the twist in my master plan. The former me would have walked back too with a heavy heart but thanks to mid-life crisis stratosphere that I feel I am in, I decided to proceed by myself and just 5m in to my solo quest I realised how absolutely delighted I was with this twist. I am so born to be a loner that I cherished every step. My thoughts dictating my pace, my sweat rate guiding my water breaks. Faster the heart rate, slower my racing mind.  I saw all sorts of people on the way – young and old, fit and not-so-fit, individuals, couples, families and groups. Some first timers (like me) and some regulars. The higher I went, the cooler I felt. There wasn’t a clear look out point as such at the top where I stopped. It is more about looking inside is what I have always felt. There were other trails to explore from there on but I resisted them by reminding myself about my silly goof up at Ruffey Lake Park the previous day. Can anyone get lost in a local park? Yes, I can. Did I already mention mid-life crisis? 

 

Ok, sometimes, “Expect the Unexpected” mantra unexpectedly slips my mind. I expected going down would be easy. I should have just thought it would be ‘faster’ rather than ‘easier’. Because I was going down fast and needed to act fast to go slow! How to apply breaks to my own speed? (My mid-life crisis had me pretty confident that my life was lacking speed!)Was it in my mind or my legs to do so? I did not have much time to analyse this part of my master plan because it was happening too fast. I had a moment of despair when despite my speed I could not see the last step back down. Well, eventually I reached back to where I started, feeling dizzy with my accomplishment and secretly planning to come back again next time (slightly confident with my master plans by now), of course by myself. No company is good company, sometimes. Here are some pictures from the climb.

 

Tassy

I don't know what it is about traveling that entices me so much! Sadly to my disappointment and frustration I have not travelled much. Well, there are excuses galore that I can offer.

Anyway, the traveling style I adore and feverishly wish to try is of the most unsophisticated nature. Quite literally nature is all I want on every ride, at every stop, for every click, for every drop of sweat. Give me a day in a forest full of tall trees, chirping birds and green ferns and you will never see a frown on my face. Let me hike mountains and you will see my gratitude spike. Gosh! What is it about waterfalls that leaves me drenched in awe and child like excitement? I don't seek exotic resorts or party minded people for company. Just one delightful company if possible, else I, me and myself will do, thanks!

Travelling is a glorified act these days. Globe trotters are in abundance and they don't shy away from letting the world know how far and wide they travel, thanks to technology. I love to read about people who travel a lot. What I try to figure out from their travel stories is, What do they seek out of this process? What drives these people to travel? Where do they travel? What do they learn? Whom do they meet? What do they see?

For me, personally, the very activity of travelling is yet again quite literally the process of travelling through my own self. Understanding my inhibitions, acknowledging my fears, raising my strength and propelling my perseverance. For me, time with nature is as soulful as I can let my soul feel. Amidst nature I feel there is pure joy in feeling small, immense gratification in feeling mortal, knowing serendipity in pure serenity and sensing the simplicity of speaking in silence. Simply put, amidst nature I feel an outpouring of being me, feeling free, clenching calmness and feeling proudly peaceful.

Here are a few pictures from my most recent travel to this beautiful island called Tasmania. We spent four delightful days in Hobart and I got my much needed dose of date with nature.

It's time

Now it's time, I feel, to open my eyes and awaken the desire behind my dream

Now it's time, I feel,to let my sense of adventure tease my mystic mind and humble heart

Now it's time,I feel, to love with such frevor that it makes me want to freeze every intimate moment 

Now it's time, I feel, to pick all the little things that matter,just like delicious cherries from the farm of life

Now it's time, I feel, to challenge my self to climb that mountain, to stand on top and to soak up in the beauty of nature 

Now it's time, I feel, to sweat it out to a pristine waterfall, to stand underneath it,barefoot and bare soul

Now it's time, I feel, to not shutdown when I am misunderstood, but to smile and simply explain and express

Now it's time, I feel, to action the art of loving by just giving it, and let this love make me laugh, cry and feel ecstatic

Now it's time, I feel, to speak in silence, not when I am hurt or scared,but when my heart is overwhelmed when it's fondly nurtured  

Now it's time, I feel, to clasp your hands and to talk while we walk, smiling every mile, feeling blessed for the bond we share

Now it's time, I feel, that you show up and we make up and this sudden sense of angst, of aging, of losing hope, of dying every living moment, all just dries up. 

Eternal Longing

Just another day, she thought. So ordinary, so normal it felt

Just another meeting, she thought. So abuzz, so usual it felt

Just another face, she thought. So many around, so crowded it felt

Just another cuppa, she thought. So to the brim, so hot it felt

Just another stare, she thought. But so transfixed, so enigmatic it felt

Just another moment, she thought. But so rare, so crazy it felt

Just another smile, she thought. But so shy, so silly she felt

Just another conversation, she thought. But so loved, so comfortable she felt

Just another soul, she thought. But so connected, so drawn to it she felt

Just another night, she thought. But so eager, so awake she felt

Just another feeling, she thought. But so blessed, so sorry she felt

Just another desire, she thought. But so elusive, so helpless she felt

Just another of life’s teaser, she thought. But so sad, so agitated she felt

Just another memory, she thought. But so wishful, so hopeful she felt

Life's Strife

Here, they say 'be yourself'

and when you gather your guts to give it a try

a hundred thoughts and a hundred people can make you cry

even before you try, you begin to ask why

Here, they say 'take the road less travelled'

This seems to be the glorified thing to do

You travel the realms of reality and reach peaks of practicality

Struggling to rather make your road the best travelled

Here, they say 'have no regrets'

and you wonder, how can that be

when I am given this, I think about that

and when I am here, I cannot be there, right?

Here they say 'be the change you wish to see'

In this pursuit, what you grew up believing seems no longer true

this shakes your confidence and you begin to feel the blues

But, things change, people change and you grapple each day changing for change

Here, they say 'have fun'

Many rules are not to be shunned

You are told, 'Don't do this', 'Never go there'

Agitation urges you to run, but you don't know where

Here, they say 'be positive'

Let go your past, have faith in your present

pin hope in your future, pretty please

After all it is in your blood to B+

Do you know what lies in between

The here and there

The past and present

The ifs' and buts'

The yes and No....

your life!, simple isn’t it?

Living in the “Mom”ent

 

Do you know what this means? How is feels? How to do it? Why do it?

 

I do not, yet...but I am trying.

 

I say 'trying' because I live in a world that drives me crazy....

 

There always seems to be chores to do, one after the other

Cut throat timelines that relentlessly bother

 

The mind always feels rushed

The poor heart is always hushed

 

‘I am busy’, ‘I have no time’ is said all too often

Too busy to live, too busy to soften

 

So many moments we miss in a day

Thanks to the notorious routine that takes us away

 

Feeling peace, feeling quite

No longer feels normal or right

 

In a race, always focused on your pace

No grace left to feel the sunshine on your face

 

To find the balance between work and home, we take so long

You feel agitated all along, only to realise you may have just got it all wrong

 

Alas, you cannot walk away from what needs to be done

It is after all important to earn and eat some bun and have some fun

 

To be able to do this you sure do need money

And earning this is not always fun, honey

 

But amidst this madness that you barely seem to cope

Everyday living sprinkles us with moments that are full of hope

 

Moments when your child is busy playing and randomly says ‘I love you’

And you flash a smile and feel blessed for this being-loved cue

 

Moments when you watch the colour of your child’s eyes in the sunshine

And in them you see the simple and innocent soul shining like a goldmine

 

Moments when your child giggles over your silly act

You feel glad you initiated this enticing laughter with such simple tact

 

Moments when bed time leads to insightful talk times and delightful story times

And ends with cuddles and feeling mesmerised on hearing each others’ heart chime

 

Moments when your mind is not elsewhere and your eyes are not on your phone

but it is instead focused on your child, the joy and the confidence they feel is clearly shown

 

Moments when you watch your child so utterly focused on a painting task

With their eyebrows in a frown and lips in a pout, to watch this cuteness you simply bask

 

Moments like these are within your reach

To live in these moments and to express the love you feel, they teach

 

A long day you might have had, your to-do-list looks equally bad

To not recognise these moments that will surely make you glad is indeed very sad

 

When you have said ‘Hurry up’ and instantly bite your tongue out of guilt

Then this guilt is a good sign that your focus on life has a new tilt

 

Why all this fuss about missing moments you may wonder

About life when you ponder, these missed moments will have the answers to your blunder

 

Your touch, your attention, your smile, your calmness, your encouragement play a vital role

To raise a loved child, moments like these bear the ultimate goal

 

On most days you are granted this wish but some days some moments you may miss

Don’t beat yourself for this, your child will always remember your kiss

 

So, regret not about the moments you have lost,  worry not how, and ask not why

No matter how much you try, money can never buy these moments even if your try

 

If you think you see a moment, stop your clock chasing mind

Follow your heart, the soulful secret to living in the moment, you will surely find

EOD Routine

“I want 5 books (to be read) tonight mummy” declares Mr 3.9

I say 'First lets brush your teeth'

“Three books, ok? But I brush my teeth tomorrow morning, ok?” comes the negotiating reply.

I repeat the same thing (every night) about sugar bugs eating away his teeth while he is sleeping. (The days I am lazy to help him with brushing, the sugar bugs are on a holiday and his teeth safe for the night)

“Three books, ok? But only brushing no cleaning tongue, ok? he negotiates again.

My ‘OK’ has to sound like he won a good deal for himself. (3 books is still a good deal.)

I negotiate for 2 books. An instant and suddenly teary “You are always naughty mummy!” reply seals my failed negotiation

Every single night I attempt to skip a page, I get told off for missing a page.

I read fast, I am asked to slow down.

I yawn and sheepishly skip a few lines, I am asked to repeat the page

The joy of snapping a book close after the last word, is all mine!



The Mad mummy (in me) is counting every second of sleep he is missing out on and calculating how late he will wake up the next day!

The Good mummy (in me) is thinking she is reading to her child every day as recommended and that her child actually loves to be read to, yippie!

The Angry mummy (in me) is wondering why the same book every day? Keep me motivated, dude!

The Happy mummy (in me) is wrapped by the smile, hug and kiss after a reading session that leaves her little man satisfied!